The Answer of Me

give me strength when I am weary...

give me hope when I can't see through my crosses...

The Answer

I sit here in semi-darkness, with only the red table lamp's yellowish glow as my source of light. I struggle to find words, sentences, meanings to put into a sensible whole of what I am currently feeling and experiencing now but am failing miserably. Perhaps, it's this ample time that is now available for my use which I am not use to after so many years always doing things or to be in the midst of engaging in some sort of work...

It can be quite difficult to, once again, slow down and consider all what I have done so far and see if they have been meaningful or just plain silly. But that is the situation that I have before me now. Perhaps the course which I am taking soon may open up a few windows of opportunity to see if there are any available answers...

it's not that easy to be he, me...

Superman, Smallville

It's never been easy walking the fine line of measuring up to people's expectation or following what it means to be me. Doing that walk has been exhausting and, though, I may be away from that awhile, I can't run away from it because it is a reality that will not go away. I'm no superman (Nietzche's version or Warner Bros') and I don't intend to be one - ever. I just want to be me!

Maybe it is the gentle glow of the table lamp or perhaps the quiet calmness of tonight. I dunno... :-)